Category: Poems

  • Hazel, there’s a window

    Hazel, there’s a window

    Hazel, there’s a window
    I’ve kept open, just a crack.
    It’s just in case that wayward cat
    should make its own way back.

    Why should we so miss that cat,
    that rubbed the house’s corner?
    Because I wrote it into verse
    I’ve clearly made it that much worse.

    It went away in summer
    And it still hasn’t come back.
    I’ve imagined dainty pawprints but
    the message space retracts.

    And for now I leave the window up
    as always, just a crack
    and just inside, on the chest
    next to the sewing machine, is a snack.

    Maybe I would mend something, learn to sew.
    It could rub against my leg and mew.
    Oh, I think of the cat often, now it’s gone.
    Do you?

    Would it have grown old and happy by the stove,
    or would it always be in fright?

    The previous owners had kicked and blamed it,
    so it preferred to take its chances over fields
    and through the cars.
    We thought we might forget it by scrolling profiles
    and meeting dates in bars.

    Hazel, there’s a picture
    You’re smiling on your bike.
    It was downhill and easy for a moment,
    your hair could do as it liked.

    I know where it was taken
    I rode with just one hand
    I held up the frame and froze it.
    I think of this as often, as the waves there meet the sand.

    Hazel, there’s a window
    open, just a crack.
    The nights are getting colder,
    It lets in a fucking draft!

    Another’s hand might close it,
    but what if it came back?
    The woman might peer out, into the night,
    but she wouldn’t know about our cat.

    She might not see two emeralds
    the shadow rubs the house
    The window would be closed
    and away would slip our cat.

    But if I heard the miaowing,
    in earnest in the night,
    I would grab a brick and smash it though.
    Damn the neighbours and their fright.

    In the cat would pad again
    and rub against my leg
    And the glass might cut the woman’s feet
    as she found her own way out.

  • Just after

    Just after

    Loneliness bites like the autumn’s chill,
    mornings and evenings,
    stale smells and damp.

    A chance at beauty was given once,
    as joy anticipates pain,
    loss outweighs promise.

  • The best blackberries

    The best blackberries

    The best blackberries have gone, I said
    as my daughter bounded ahead.

    I think we missed the best blackberries.
    These ones are a bit squishy.

    But if we collect these ones, that look okay,
    I’m sure they’ll be good in a crumble.

    I obviously wrote a poem about it.
    The parallel is real-time.

    Just how summer has passed me by
    And although still warm, the nights are drawing in.

    Entire branches of the crop are moulded and powdery,
    Some still protrude, purple-to-black, but they lack firmness and sharpness.

    Wait up, you beautiful kid!
    While you and I are here with tubs,
    Let’s collect what’s left for us.
    I’m sure they’ll be good in a crumble.

  • Hazel, a second

    Hazel, a second

    When I looked into your eyes, I now confess –
    although aloud I asked, “Are they green, brown, hazel, blue?” –
    for a second, I thought of another woman.

    Who is this second woman?
    Who?

    Is it the girl then the woman who
    because of fear,
    I loved from afar, but never dared to draw near?

    The shiny haired girl from class
    Gillian and then Elizabeth?
    I never spoke to her.
    I was not like Jonathan, so brave and arrogant.

    So then, did I see Hattie who I loved so far
    beyond any rational measure?
    Like yours, her eyes sparkled, like treasure, in play.
    Bereft upon each homeward journey,
    for ten full years,
    when I was a child with no means, no tools and no verse.

    And Helen loved me not a jot!
    It was not of her that I thought,
    Even though on that mast
    I wilfully tore a freshly adult heart.

    So by then, fearing pain I turned away, for safety
    from all of Charlotte’s grace.
    True, there was something like this in her face.

    Now, in this second, I see this woman I have loved but never held.

    Let’s call her Hazel.
    Hazel is my idea, my life’s silent longing.
    An absence, an ache, she is self-inlaid with artistry and care.

    And yet instead of absence,
    I feel in my hand,
    your hair.

    My lips close on yours, and when,
    in a second, I open my eyes
    I see her real, alive and smiling there.

  • When Amy smiled

    When Amy smiled

    The same as that little boy,
    cast again into this foaming flux
    by a tug at the chest

    (The new equilibrium is somewhere,
    maybe. But the basis upended.)

    The sitting, the breathing, the mindful teachings.
    Quite useless.

    All my stilless
    All sleep.
    All my effortful balance,
    All this hard-won peace.

    Brick by month, repairing the defences.
    The artisan repointing of the battlements
    that were so damaged
    by ill-considered alliances and dalliances.

    What is the use of
    all the patient mending?

    Every self-help verse,
    The delicate heart-to-heart surgery.
    The careful inner work.
    All my readiness, ready –

    Then, your smile
    reminded me:

    All I have to steady,
    bobs in a small paper cup,
    in the vastness of a sea.

  • In images still

    In images still

    It is only a ghost that preoccupies this space.
    A curve of your hair, photographed at the mirror’s edge.

    I can own that absence in images still:
    Your hand holds a dish, or a ceramic dog,
    intuited in slips and glazes.

    Your fingers do cusp the solid ceramic, 
    but a boy’s longing swells from Autumns past –
    Forlornly there, I incanted,
    from cold steps overlooking the valley.
    Sad now, for that melancholy boy.

    On the valley’s far side, the night’s amber necklaces glowed and said nothing
    from a field of new houses, where other girls lived, 
    to whom I’ve written nothing.

    This brings up a question.

    I didn’t ask what is it,
    simply went and made that visit.

    Although I bravely drove the car,
    with you beside me, noting my lack of skill,
    tense, we were gladly interrupted by your friend.

    After that, we did play chess, remotely,
    exchanging messages.
    And the more is in the mind, for being
    not much in the day.

    Unexpectedly, I received an urgent warning of heartbreak.
    From a genuine friend, speaking earnestly, from a true heart.
    So with sure effort, reluctant intent and new found strength,
    my jaw set by a clear and rational adult mind,
    I bedded myself onto life’s firmer path.
    True to my word, shoulders squared
    I forked away, with another’s hand and with no means back.
    And true, I gained my beloved daughters and this solid home and chair.

    So, bravely, now alone, I asked, 
    and awaiting a reply,
    that autumn’s boy expects indifference.
    He has created this, haunting and all.

    It is only a ghost that preoccupies this space.
    A curve of your hair, photographed at the mirror’s edge.


    Image: Copyright Charlotte Salt (www.instagram.com/charlotte_salt_)